On this I sit in despair, wondering to myself, is there anyone other than Jesus who really loves me? Many claim and speak as they really do, but do they really? I find it to be very hard to believe coming from particular people, while I ponder on my thoughts sitting back in this cell again. You see world just about two weeks ago I was free, free as a bird to soar for Jesus. I was trying to read just as a new creation in Christ. I thought it was hard at first until many things began to fall into place for me, glory to God! I was reunited verbally with my oldest daughter, which was awesome, and I even worked out my differences with my youngest daughter’s mother verbally. So as you can see I believed that I was finally being vindicated and blessed after 10 long years through the power of Christ… But I was hit with a sudden roadblock the day before my blessed birthday. I was pulled into an office at the half-way house and was told that I was going back to prison for violating the P.F.A. (restraining order). I was livid on the inside as I tried to plea my case which no one cared to listen to. I felt lonely, cursed, unloved, and pretty much like trash. I was asking Jesus how and why can this happen to me. It was only one week. I felt like a failure, like I don’t deserve to live, and like I have no control, and to an extent to be honest I still feel this way. So as I ride back to prison I know that this stems from a jealous spouse who has no reason to be jealous. I then begin to pray. As I am praying one of the marshals says to me, “Listen, I know this sucks but you don’t have new charges, you’re just going back to prison for a little while.” And of course I didn’t see a bright side. But as I pondered and pondered all I could think of was Jesus’ love, and there is a reason for this. I started to forgive the jealous husband of his devilish decisions and I prayed for a positive outcome for us all who are involved. I am hurt tremendously, and I still feel inadequate, and unloved by all but Jesus, and I do still feel that I don’t deserve to live. But there has to be a plan God (not man) is putting into place for me to solidify this for me. I am trying so hard through all of this pain of being taken away from freedom yet again that I tend to forget sometimes who’s driving my life. I forgive the jealous husband for the burden placed upon me which affected my family and my children. I even forgive yet again my youngest daughter’s mother for allowing this to happen (if she knew it was going to happen). I forgive them because God would have wanted me to, and because the individual I become can no longer hold a grudge against people who persecute me falsely. God has a message for me through all of this and I pray that I receive it as well as His belssings in the end. Forgiveness isn’t for everybody but through the blood of Christ it’s for me. May this testimony be a blessing for all of those who read it. God is in control. H can make things happen when you least expect it and even when you least deserve it just to get to you. I am a prime example of least deserved. 10 years gone in a week exactly. But I still say God is good, and He will fix it for me. Take care readers, until next time if there is a next time. Keep God in your hearts and do what’s right. Amen. Zephaniah 3:19-20. Jesus is with me.
Prayer requests: I would like to first pray for A.W-J for the burdens she is dealing with trying to juggle a marriage, social life, family, and unexpected events i.e. baby’s father returning back to their child’s lives. I pray that she remains safe from all harm from herself or others for her children. I pray that God touches her heart to do the right thing for the innocent involved and vindicate in any way, i.e. lifting the P.F.A.’s or calling people to say nothing happened etc. I pray for M.J. her husband for he knows not what he’s done or or who he may have affected with his jealous ways. I pray God touches his heart to heal his insecurities before God punishes him for them. I pray that he realizes how much resentment he has created in his household and from other children and families afar and that God touches his heart to fix it. Lastly I pray for my family and myself. May their hearts be calm and loving through this fire until God releases me and may I be blessed and vindicated with my freedom yet again so I can worship Christ as I planned to do before. Thank you for your prayers world and God bless you all. Remember God knows the truth. “God allow my children to know that I love them dearly please. Happy Birthday, A. I love you!” Blessed until God says so. -Ryan
Ryan writes, “I love God, music, writing, reading, and helping others. I am humble and loving but most of all lonely and bored.”
A mission in life that is usually unattainable for most; without the love of Christ in their hearts. Many live with the rage that the serpent has provided them the wall for, while others compassionately express the responsibility of the body of Christ; by being Christ-like to others. As Jesus Christ would have expected us to be. People, (although are still human) tend to forget that when you forgive, you must also in turn forget. Which is by far one of the hardest responsibilities of being a Christian full-time, and Christ-like, none the least.
However, by taking on that responsibility of being a full-time Christian, and Christ-like, we begin to learn, and understand that “The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving (Deut. 9:9). So as Christians we should be as well. You see, as Christians we are unable to claim that “we love our neighbor as we love ourselves” (Lev. 19:18b) if we are unable to love our enemies, and the ones that may persecute us (Matt. 5:43b). The Lord our God, Jesus Christ once stated in Matt 6:14-15, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” So in short, Luke 6:37b simply states, “Forgive, and you will be forgiven,” which especially as Christians, let alone human beings, we should be always practicing.
My life hasn’t always been squeaky clean. I’ve made a lot of poor decisions, all of which I regret. I wasn’t a kind individual, let alone full-on religious. I was what you would call a fast-talking trickster. Ignorant and disrespectful to the core, also know as cold hearted. I only cared about myself. I was simply like the servant in Matt. 18:21-34 where I would talk myself out of trouble (debt), only to in turn treat the ones I care for rudely, and demand that they make it right, at that present time, no later. I wasn’t the type of person about to forgive their iniquities against me, even though I was forgiven of my iniquities from others.
That is, until I found Christ, and was shown Matt. 18:35 where Jesus states “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” So as a full-time Christian I wouldn’t want to be treated by God the same way that I treated others in the past. So the word, thought, and action of forgiveness has embedded its way into my heart for everyone that I thought has ever wronged me in any way, forever. Looking ahead with the love and blessings of Jesus Christ in my corner, I can honestly state “that the road may still be tough for me to go down, but at least when I do go to travel it, I won’t have to carry so much baggage anymore.”
In conclusion to all the readers…simply I state this: Colossians 3:12-14 says it best…”Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
Where I come from, forgiveness as well and revenge is a dish served cold. However, I no longer represent that neighborhood. I live with and for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. So I represent God’s house where forgiveness is warm and compassionate, and revenge is completely irrelevant. By no means am I perfect, because I could never be, but I strive to be, even when I fall. Thank you for reading my message. I hope I touched a heart if not more. In closing, please help me pray for my prayer requests.”
Prayer requests: For my safety, my mental well-being, and to be financially stable and reunite with my children.
6/10/17: For all believers to understand the true definition of forgiveness; the safety and security of my children and their mothers; if possible the address, phone numbers, and email address of my youngest child; all of those who have been, still are, or becoming victims of any crimes; and lastly for me for whatever God may place in my path for the future.